If There Is A God, HIDE ME!
by SailorSilvanesti
Summary: S5-Tag to 'Harmony' A "What if" Story. SG-1 has come to visit Atlantis. Ronan and McKay run for their lives from crazed Keller...Beckett's scared and Rodney and John are terrified of...Her.  QUEEN Harmony is back...and she wants a Husband. NEW END UPDATED


**Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate: Atlantis, Stargate: SG-1 or any of their characters...no matter how hard I wish, I merely borrow their characters to put them in ridiculous and strange situations, on occasion...XD!**

**This is the New, UPDATED Version of this story...many people let me know they would have preferred a different ending and, to be hinest, so did I...I also fixed all the spelling and grammatical errors in the Story.**

_**Please let me know what you think and if there is anything that you believe could be improved upon, no Flames...my inner Pyromaniac will find you and throw 'em right back!^^**_

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><p><strong>If There Is A God, HIDE ME!<strong>

**~)0(~**

"Ah_hhh_, just the people I wanted to see..." A somewhat gracious, though rigidly officious voice rang out in greeting as the wavering blue ripples of the wormhole collapsed. Mr. Woolsey strode down the stairs with arms outstretched in what he most obviously believed, to be a welcoming gesture, lopsided smile showing a slight annoyance with their presence.

The members of SG-1 shuffled slightly, all but Teal'c that is...he stood gazing impassively at the scrawny human before him, with what those who knew him perceived to be a look of distaste. Obviously, he did not expect Samantha Carter to greet him with open arms, seeing as he had replaced her so recently...but he had worked well with, and believed he held a cordial rapport with _at least_ Doctor Daniel Jackson, if not General O'Neill.

Though both were looking less-than-group-huggy at this particular moment...

Still...they clasped his hand firmly...perhaps a little _too_ firmly...and smiled wanly, all incensed on Sam's behalf at this little man having taken her place...but, as far as Daniel was concerned, he was quite excited to be back in the city of the Ancients.

~)0(~

It was in the tense moment after this exchange of hand-clasping, that Colonel John Sheppard chose to make his appearance, skipping down the gateroom steps in the enthusiastic way only he could muster, at least, at two in the morning...

"What brings you all to this fair city at such a ridiculous time of morning?" he inquired, jovially, instinctively trying to put them at ease...a quality that marked him out as a great leader.

Sam smiled and called, "John! What's got you up so late...or is it early?"

He laughed and waved off her question, gingerly rubbing his right shoulder as he replied, "Oh, don't you know? No one on Atlantis sleeps much...we're all secretly vampires and hate the sunlight! No, really, not much sleep was happening so Ronan, Teyla and I dragged McKay's butt outta his lab and did a little sparring..."

Hiding a smile, Sam distinctly heard Daniel mutter something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like, "Oh, I bet McKay woulda _loved_ that..." and she snorted, quickly turning it into a cough before anyone could comment...

~)0(~

Voices could be heard in argument down the corridor, coming closer at a rapid rate that was almost matched by the speed and fervor of the loudest verbal combatant...

"You really should see Dr. Keller about that, you too Ronan, and-" Another voice cut her off.

"I don't see why, I mean, what were you _THINKING_? Oh wait, that's right! You_ DON'T_!"

Something that sounded suspiciously like a whack echoed for a second, with stony silence, before there was the sound of stunner fire...Ronan ran out of the corridor and halted before them.

Calling back over his shoulder, "Company's here."

John made a 'I'll be back' gesture, before turning and wandering back into the corridor at high speed, leaving most of the night-staff in the gate room raising an eyebrow, then turning back to their work...Woolsey muttering something along the lines of, "_Here we go again...Why me...?_" under his breath...

~)0(~

"What have I told you two -THREE, you're in this too, Teyla!- about playing NICE?" Echoed the exasperated Colonel's voice, "No, I don't want to hear it, Rodney!"

"Oh! But he _started_ it!" Came the whiny, child-like reply...and Teyla soft, reasoning tones, "To be fair, John, it was Ronan who started it..."

"Hey! Did_ Not_!" Bellowed the Satedan, from the Gate-room, as the three emerged into the dim light. By now, even Teal'c was beginning to look amused...

A faint trickle of blood leaked from his temple, but it seemed that Ronan either, didn't know, or didn't care...meanwhile, one of the Bantos rods Rodney still clutched had a crimson tinge to it...the hand that clutched it was white and a little damaged. As was the Scientist's lip, which was split and dribbling a slight scarlet rivulet down very pissed-looking features...

His other hand held a Wraith Stunner...and he was still glaring at Ronan...

~)0(~

"All right, enough already!" said John calmly, arms raised in a gesture that suggested they had both better stay separated, then he attempted to pry the Stunner from McKay's grip, not an easy task. Eventually, though it seemed but seconds, the astrophysicist surrendered the weapon to Teyla, the Athosian having quiet words in his ear, but the menacing glare still remained a few seconds longer on the Satedan...

Before he noticed company, brightened slightly and followed John over to greet them, Teyla dabbing at his bleeding, swelling-before-their-eyes lip with a scrap of her outfit...

"Sooo, you guys really know how to party around here," General O'Neill, always one to fill in an awkward moment with a pun, threw them all a life-preserver; John and Teyla smiled gratefully at the man.

~)0(~

Dr. Jennifer Keller rushed into the room, her face full of concern and fury, hair slightly mussed from where she must have fallen asleep at her computer again, only to be roused -presumably by one of the gate-staff- to attend certain individuals...she bet this was all Sheppard's fault!

How many times can he be told, do not let those two alone...armed or not...One of them could tear the other in half without breaking a sweat, and the other was capable of configuring a toothbrush into an atomic bomb!

One day, she was going to find one of them on her autopsy table, she swore it!

"Alright, what did you do?" strangely, the question was more directed at John, than Ronan or Rodney...he smiled placating and turned back to their guests, she turned on her 'do you know what time it is?' face and set the emergency med-kit down.

"Two seconds. Explain. _Now_."

In a tone that brooked no argument, she calmly asked for an explanation, whilst simultaneously promising sudden death to the first person who used the dreaded phrase, "It was _Nothing_..."

~)0(~

"_Don't...make any...sudden...moves..._" Ronan hissed to McKay, before a bemused SG-1, as Jennifer continued to advance, McKay did not heed the warning and launched with, "It's a funny story actually..."

He was a goner...

~)0(~

"So, why don't we adjourn to the Meeting Room while Dr Keller deals with-...I mean, _treats_ these two..._just move slowly, or she might just kill us all..._" he stage-whispered in mock-warning tones, and turned to leave the room. Sam followed directly behind the Air Force Man, gazing sympathetically at the two as she passed, Ronan merely shrugged and nodded to Teal'c, who stood behind her.

McKay gave a weak, half-hearted smile to Dr Jackson as he passed by, O'Neill gave him a hearty clap on the back, took one look at Keller's stony face and made a beeline for the Meeting Room, almost surpassing John and Mr Woolsey in the process...he knew a thing or two about angry women, and she was near boiling point...

~)0(~

"You reason with her," mumbled the Satedan into McKay's ear, the scientist looked shocked, "Me? Why me?" he whispered back urgently, panic-stricken at the approach of a _really_ big needle...

"Uh...because you're dating her?" Ronan replied, smugly...damn that Neanderthal!

When did he get so logical? Well, he wasn't going to be feeling so great when everything Ancient he used had it in for him, now would he?

Lines of Ancient Code that would need to be changed to allow for the necessary revenge ran through his mind at great speeds...until something sharp plunged into his arm, "Ow! Hey, what was that...for...?" he called out sluggishly, watching Keller move to the Bigger Man as well, armed and dangerous...

"To keep you both quiet for a while!" Was her only reply...

~)0(~

"An interesting place you got here," Congratulated General O'Neill, clapping John on the back with a smile, "Looks like a lot of fun to be had around this giant space-city-thingy of yours...need a General?" He threw in slyly, to which Sheppard grinned, "Nope, sorry sir, we're full to the brim with Military, Scientists and Whack-Jobs...oh, and Aliens...got a few around..." he winked at Teyla, who rolled her eyes.

"So," he called, clapping his hands together loudly, "To what do we owe the pleasure of this little outing at a god-forsaken time of morning in either Galaxy...?"

Mr Woolsey cleared his throat, shuffling some papers and documents, before passing out blue folders of officious nature and bidding them open them.

"It seems, that there has been an uprising in the Pegasus Galaxy, more and more Genii are taking over distant worlds, and many are executing rulers when they find them; the IOA has granted permission for certain personnel -namely you four and our own SGA-1 -to deal with this first hand, as they pose a significant threat to Atlantis if one of our allies are taken over.

They believe it would be all too easy for invaders to gate back to Earth, should Atlantis be taken; which is becoming a significant possibility, considering the forces the Genii are assembling..."

He paused for a moment, removing his glasses and rubbing them tiredly, before replacing them on his face and staring at those gathered before him.

Mouth parted to speak another word, Mr Woolsey paused as there was a significant-sounding, "Thud" from just outside the Meeting Room...from the _Gate Room_...

Four confused expressions stared up at him, the visitors blatantly grasping their weapons and wondering at the nonchalance being displayed by the Expedition Leader. Not to mention puzzlement at the amused grins flashing from both the Air Force Colonel and Athosian Ambassador...

Mr Woolsey drew in a breath in agitation, realizing the meeting would not continue from this point on until an explanation was provided...

Rolling his eyes ceiling-ward, he made an impatient gesture of a parent with an infuriatingly happy child, at John Sheppard toward the doors; not that he would ever admit it, but he was still firmly under the impression that the city itself had it out for him...

Striding towards the concealed entrance, several slatted doors slid open effortlessly, and Dr Jackson took a moment to look impressed, eyes darting behind the wire frames of his glasses, as if to mentally catalog all the Ancient facets of the design and subsequent décor.

Teyla smiled and pulled on the Scientist's arm, gently maneuvering him away from the 'fascinating' architecture of...well, a _door_...

~)0(~

Sprawled upon the cool floor of the Gate Room, were the giant of a former Runner and Atlantis' Chief of Science, presided over by a way-too-smug-looking Head of Medicine, Dr. Keller. When her attention focused on those returning, her grin could almost be said to be feral, sights settling firmly on the Colonel, before he had a chance to run...

"Care to explain why you let those two loose on each other? You know what happens when they fight!" she said in a deadly-calm voice, which seemed to be scarier than if she had yelled in full-fury; the look on her face had even Sam Carter, former leader of the Expedition, taking a quick step back. Whilst General Jack O'Neil looked on, amused and mildly afraid at the same time...

The Doctor advanced on John, stepping over a prone Rodney, as she did so. The unconscious man gave a small groan and began to stir, almost imperceptibly...

"Could we really afford to lose our Chief of Science in a fight? Or Ronan, if not in the fight, then later when everything Ancient he encounters malfunctions, or worse, tries to kill him? It would really depend on how pissed McKay got..." Her voice trailed off into quiet, though apparently amusing, thoughts as she smiled secretly to herself.

John wondered vaguely what she was imagining, but surmised that, as long as it kept her off his back, she could envision anything she wanted...short of naked McKay, himself or Ronan...that was just too creepy to contemplate...

Especially the McKay part...

~)0(~

Awareness returned slowly, the cold hard substance of the Ancient floor pressed against his cheek, uncomfortably. Stretching out slowly, he took note of the other body by him, it stirred as well; good, he didn't want to have to carry McKay if he took the chance to run past..._Her_.

Battle-trained reflexes stiffened in response to her every movement, she stepped over the Scientist whilst sparring, verbally with, first Sheppard, then Teyla; sliding to a crouched position, he blatantly _glared_ at the other humans, daring them to betray his movement with even the slightest twitch...

They held his gaze momentarily, then looked back to the furious Keller; Ronan near grunted in approval, Teal'c near raised an eyebrow at him and he frowned.

Instead the Jaffa turned his head to the side quizzically, and posed a question to Atlantis's Chief Medical Officer, whatever he said stole her thunder as she faltered for a moment...

A moment was all he needed, grabbing the now-kneeling Head of Science by a fistful of his clothing, Ronan made his plans abundantly -though silently- clear to the man. McKay nodded once and glided to a crouched position with more thought and precision than he had ever shown in any of his Training Sessions. The former-Runner was impressed.

McKay watched him now, body tense as his own, Ronan held up one hand, three fingers extended...

Keller raged furiously at Sheppard and now Teal'c, both animatedly trying to fend off her attacks...the third finger fell...

Sam threw herself into the debate about them both, playing somehow on both sides and neither...the second finger fell...

His muscles couldn't get any tauter if he actively tried at this moment...or so he thought...for Jennifer began to turn at that exact moment...the third and final finger fell swiftly and he darted upright -hauling the Scientist with him.

~)0(~

Springing forth, he was glad of the extra momentum lent by Ronan's sharp tug, for it near shot him clear of Keller's enraged grasp as she turned and snatched out instinctively for her fleeing "patients".

"_Prisoners more like..._"McKay thought uncharitably, just managing to recognize the dim green of a wall before he hit it and veered sharply into the tunnel-mouth that would lead him to freedom and safety...

Ronan, being Ronan, was already ahead of him...only slowing to catch his breath as they reached the other side of the city, a transporter or two may have been involved...

A thought struck him...

"Ronan! Toss me your Radio!" he demanded, earning a 'look' from the big Satedan, "They can track us otherwise..." His hands gesticulated wildly; trying to get his point across faster through interpretive dance, such was the urgency...

Still, Ronan did relinquish his radio almost immediately, which Rodney snatched -yanking off his own in the process- and promptly threw into the nearest transporter...fiddling with code for a moment, before stepping away with a triumphant smile.

"There, now they won't be able to trace the origins of that transport! We should be relatively safe, provided she doesn't hunt us down and kill us, which is likely..." He groaned, knowing _exactly_ how Jennifer would deal with this latest drama. Not well...

He had to face her sometime, considering they were dating and all...but he hoped it was not soon at all...

~)0(~

Ronan watched, impassively, as a multitude of thoughts flew through the Scientist's mind at speeds he could scarcely begin to comprehend -not that he would ever tell McKay that...

The emotions flickered across his face like rocks skipped across a still pool, reflecting, rippling and disturbing...

Enough of that.

"C'mon, McKay, we have to get out of here before Zelenka breaks through your code and tells Keller," he said in that same, even monotone. The words caught his teammate off-guard, but had the desired effect, spluttering at the indignity of having his work questioned, Rodney very nearly gave way to the verbal flood tide that would probably drown Ronan...but stopped.

Took a deep breath and said, "You're right, let's...where can we-... maybe there but-...or even...no, Cadman would tell her instantly... Speaking of Cadman, she's dating Carson...and theoretically, he's the only logical choice we have for protection on Atlantis, right now..."

The Satedan was impressed, gave a half nod and turned in the direction they needed to go...Rodney following without a word.

~)0(~

Back in the Gate Room, however, was a completely different story...where once angry words filled the air, now malice seemed to radiate in the silence...

Even John was starting to get concerned, this wasn't like Keller at all...excepting maybe, that one time someone had eaten all the chocolate from the last Daedalus run...without telling her it had arrived...

That had been one scary week, and the Air Force Colonel was not afraid to admit it...he had been terrified she was going to break his hand off when checking his pulse, or worse, jam the needle all the way through his arm and out the other side...

Needless to say, he took a wary step backwards...

~)0(~

Ever the diplomat, Teyla stepped up to comfort Dr Keller in the best way she knew how, with Dr Jackson hovering around the edges and doing what he did best in a crisis, soothe.

Teal'c stood impassively looking on, not the least bothered by goings on -though on the inside he was laughing, not that he would ever show it...- and General O'Neill just gaped in unabashed disbelief at this place.

Samantha Carter however, merely smiled, sighing softly, she whispered, "_It's good to be Home..._"

Mr Woolsey heard and looked sideways at the woman, feeling guilt stirring at how he had replaced her, but she turned and smiled, obviously at ease with the knowledge now. He smiled and nodded back in affirmation.

John Sheppard was puzzling over one small detail, _Where would they go...?_

Apparently, Jennifer was also toughing it out, as her voice rang out loudly in the silence, "CARSON!"

~)0(~

Half-asleep and partially-welded to your desk with drool is not a nice way to awaken at the best of times, proving that you once again fell asleep at your desk, didn't finish whatever the hell you were working on and really needed a shower...

When that is compounded and multiplied by the sudden arrival of, and shaking by, two blurry figures intent upon waking him with all frantic haste...something about Keller...?

"Carson! For the Love of- Would you just wake up, already?" came the familiar whine of his best-friend's voice, higher than usual with stress and concern.

He sighed, "What did you do this time, Rodney?"

To be fair, he was genuinely concerned, but in serious need of a cup of coffee before his empathy gene kicked in...that was when he noticed Ronan, and also that the two were in slight ill-repair.

"You've been fighting again, haven't ye?" Carson stretched himself slowly; realization dawning quite swiftly, his movements became more animated. "And she caught ye, wha' did you do, advertise it with a bloody sign?"

Rodney coughed discreetly into a palm before muttering something softly, Carson frowned his 'No Nonsense' Look at the man -who seemed suddenly reduced to a child, one that had both done wrong and knew it- and said, "We'll have none of that now, speak up!"

The voice came louder this time, Ronan's impassive gaze boring a hole in a nearby empty bed, refusing to look as McKay confessed, "We..._may_ have had a little..._altercation_...in the- in the Gate Room..."

The Scottish Doctor nearly died of shock, there and then, but stayed standing by gripping the edge of the tabletop tightly. "Ye did WHAT Now?" he asked, hoping he had misheard. Ronan raised an eyebrow in a manner that suggested he highly doubted that physician had not heard the previous statement. Carson took this all in, heart dancing a merry jig in his chest...

"Ye do know that Keller was exposed to the Fauna from PX3 575, again, right?" he queried, earning blank stares..."The plants that make you over-emotional and dangerous, in this case, highly aggressive...throws everything outta whack and the best way to treat it is to just tread lightly around the subject until the spores die..."

Rodney now looked truly horrified, "Well, is there a cure or something, I mean, if she finds us she's going to skin us and turn us into-"

Carson never did find out what she would make them into, for Keller slammed open the doors and screamed, "CARSON!" before storming in...

~)0(~

Miracles happen.

That was the only explanation for what happened next, as she strode into the Infirmary, sirens and lights began to flash all over the place, a voice came over the intercom, "Unscheduled Off-World Activation! All Senior Staff Report to the Gate Room!"

Rodney sank down the wall he was pressed firmly against in blatant relief, shooting upright at the last second and running towards the exit, swiftly outpaced by both Dr Beckett and Ronan in their haste...

~)0(~

"...we're receiving a transmission from PKX 395, Sir." Chuck directed at both Mr Woolsey and Colonel Sheppard, who stood by his console surrounded by the remnants of SGA-1 [namely John Sheppard] and the original SG-1.

Ronan and Rodney skidded in at the tail end of their conversation, the Scientist began to mumble under his breath as Dr Beckett jogged in, looking rather winded. "Whew! Been a while since I've done anythin' like that, Lads!" He puffed.

"They're asking permission to...no, _demanding_ to be allowed access to Atlantis and...Sir, I think this transceiver must be malfunctioning...that can't be right..." Chuck's eyes grew wide as the Gate-Tech listened to something that grew increasingly disturbing; Woolsey leaned forwards to listen, straightening with grim features. Lips a thin white line.

"Should I lower the Shield, sir?" Came the query, to which the answer was a monotonous, "Yes, Chuck. Lower the Shield and inform them they have my permission to 'Gate to Atlantis..."

At the same moment, a voice let out a strangled cry of recognition, "No! Anywhere but- For the Love of ALL THAT'S HOLY, CHUCK, Do NOT Drop that Shield or I will-"

His threat was left empty as the Gate Room filled with the glowing blue light of the stabilizing wormhole, "Incoming Traveler from Lairose, Sir"

Sheppard paled noticeably at Chuck's words, looking horrified at McKay, before both men made a dash for the nearest uninhabited console...

~)0(~

Sliding into home as the tell-tale sucking noise announced the arrival of a VERY unwelcome guest, John ducked and moved in closer to the trembling body of Rodney, who had just literally _vaulted_ over the Ancient console in his haste...

The voice began, loud and officious but still horrifyingly familiar, "Where is my Future Husband?

And Where is the Traitor, John Sheppard? I would to have his head for my Throne!"

Scarcely daring to breathe, John edged his way back into Rodney, who near-squeaked in fear...Harmony. Queen of Lairose. Royal Pain in the-...Well, Harmony was _here_. _Now._ And they were both _very screwed_.

~)0(~

Carter watched with great interest as the fifteen year old strode into the City of the Ancients with great purpose, eyes surveying everything lazily, as if bored. She was adorned in clothing similar to that of Earth's medieval period and wore a great many rings, bracelets and jewels...particularly in the crown atop her wavy dark hair...yet one item stood out, a small, glowing pendant around her neck. Intriguing...

She could almost sense Daniel stretching out to look at it from beside her...

Surely she must have misheard, the girl spoke high and clear, maybe her words were flawed...after all, if John Sheppard was the traitor, who was her future hus- oh, oh this was _priceless_!

On the verge of hysterical laughter, Sam leant over their console in a very deliberate fashion and said, too loudly for their comfort as obvious by the flinching, "A little girl? Is that what you're scared of?"

"I am _No Mere Girl_!" Came the loud decree, her import giving her words capitals, even in speech; the girl strode up the steps and stood before the console, "I, am Queen Harmony, Ruler and High Protector of Lairose. And I will _No__t Be __Denied_!"

She leaned over the console...only to find it abandoned...Sam smirked as the girl -Harmony, then- frowned indignantly...

"Show yourselves! Why do you hide from me, Husband-to-be? I thought you didn't not not like me? Is it over the Traitor? I can have him killed if that is what you wish...?" she asked the room.

A quiet voice followed a smack sound, "_Don't even think about it!_" hissed a familiar voice, from behind a wall of impassive flesh, comprising of Teal'c, General O'Neill and Ronan.

Harmony strode over, "Move out of my Path! Disobey and Earn my Ire!" her tone brooked no argument, and they would give her none, just stood there staring _down _at the girl...for she was not yet full grown. Their meaning quite clear...

Another voice hissed back in response to the first, "_Now can we stun her? I told you we should have just stunned her and left the brat in the forest! On second thoughts, that probably would have breached our treaty with the Genii for inflicting cruel and unusual punishment!_"

At these words, even Teal'c seemed on the verge of a facial expression...his lips twitched, almost imperceptibly.

Her Royal Majesty stamped her foot hard, "Come Out _Now..._" The words dwindled to a whine, as the girl began to realize her control of the situation was slipping into non-existent. Sam took pity on the teenager, reaching behind the human barricade and yanking out two very pale men, "C'mon you two big chickens! Time to face the music!"

All-encompassing gazes gave her looks of utter horror and betrayal, "How could you...?" whispered Rodney, wide-eyed and gaping at her. She snorted; it was just some self-righteous kid, what was the worst that could...

~)0(~

"There you are, _**You**_ I will deal with later, Coward!" she spat at Sheppard, before turning -all roses and angel-faced- to McKay - who looked like he would rather face down a Pit-bull...scratch that..._several_ Pit-bulls, than stand before her.

"That is no way for a future-King to behave," Harmony began, and Sam had to suppress a snigger as she took in the scene of the teenager berating someone twice her age... "Truly, for what reasons have you ignored my summons to wed me?"

Several gazes fell on McKay, "W-Well, for one, you're still a kid, and a very annoying one at that! Second, you're half my age and I. Don't. Like. You! I don't not not like you, but that's not the same as what you're asking!" He stammered in surprise at being thrust into such an awkward position...

"And uh...I'm uh...already-" his gaze cast around to those assembled, going for who was closest, "-married to Sam!"

If this wasn't so amusing, she would have smacked Rodney for grabbing her so tight...instead she played along, smiling, leaning in to McKay's body and putting what could be construed as a reassuring pat on the hand grasping her arm hard enough to bruise...in reality, it was her way of subtly letting him know if he didn't loosen the grip he'd lose his -

"I see no marriage chains on this woman!" Came the indignant cry, earning a puzzled look from those around, Daniel Jackson -ever the Anthropologist- asked, "Marriage Chains?"

Harmony looked at him contemptuously, "Of course! How else does a man or woman of rank show they own their partner? And as I see no chains upon this woman, you cannot be wedded; therefore I refuse to recognize this union. You Are MINE!"

McKay looked well and truly stumped, before noticing her looking avidly at Ronan's bracers, the ornate leather fascinating her, "Uh, I mean – ahem, I may have lied to you...this is my mate-" Ronan growled low in his throat at McKay's approach, Sam very nearly wet herself in surprise and mirth, "I didn't uh, have the means to make a...a-" he snapped his fingers in his characteristic way, "Marriage Chain! That's it, uh, yes, so leather had to suffice...Practical too!"

Ronan seemed to accept this farce and allowed the Scientist to get closer, for a moment, it looked as if he had won -Harmony became unsure...then she changed her mind, scowling. "No! I cannot allow it, such a folly of a union; I cannot believe it is true! He is beneath you!"

McKay sent a pleading look at Ronan not to kill him...or maybe begging for Ronan _to_ kill him...?

In desperation, Rodney shot out a hand and grasped the front of John's shirt, dragging the reluctant man to him and pointing, "I don't suppose you'd believe I was married to _him_, then? No, well in that case I suppose...LOOK THERE'S A BABY!"

He shouted, pointing over her shoulder, most would not turn, but for the soft gurgling cry that accompanied the statement...

Harmony spun on her heel and squealed with delight, Teyla bounced Torren in her arms, he was still partly-asleep but excited at the attention he suddenly received from someone he didn't know...

~)0(~

Meanwhile, the Daring Duo were making their desperate getaway, and woe betide any who stood between them and the safety of-

~)0(~

Harmony came back to full awareness as she heard a voice announce, "Jumper 3 requesting clearance, Sir?" Woolsey nodded at Chuck, who muttered something into the Radio he wore; through the Gate Room Windows, the entire Gate Staff watched as the Jumper shot from Atlantis's Underwater hanger and headed away from Atlantis...

A primal scream of anger pierced the air, as one, they turned to stare at the fuming girl; she had torn off her crown and thrown in at the opposite wall, fists clenched she yelled, "I am Queen Harmony of Lairose! I Will _NOT BE DENIED_!"

Maybe McKay had a point, Carter thought briefly, before the girl turned on her...

~)0(~

Having made himself scarce whilst the shenanigans had gone on like a badly-planned soap opera, Dr Beckett stepped out from around a pillar just as the girl started to hurl different items of technology at those in the Gate Tech Room.

"Here now, Lass, calm down!" He soothed, gesturing at the near-feral child -who was obviously spoilt rotten and unaccustomed to not getting her own way- to put the data-pad _down_ because he still needed his head for all the 'Witch-Doctoring' Rodney insisted he did in place of proper medicine...

_Shake a Chicken, indeed..._

He saw O'Neill and Carter circle around behind the girl, Teal'c remained by Daniel Jackson at the console, whilst Teyla had wisely removed herself and the babe from the firing line as the tirade had started. Chuck and Mr Woolsey appeared to be taking shelter under the same console...

Harmony shook, trembling with rage, but he saw it begin to abate...slowly...

"Here now, love, let's get you calmed down and why don't we go and get a bite to eat?" he soothed, feeling very much in need of a whip and chair...

~)0(~

"I don't want it!" She screamed, hurling the cup of blue jello high over many heads, many of the military staff taking refuge under the long tables as Her Majesty continued to object to everything!

"Now, wait just a minute! That's no way to act, young lady!" Cried a shocked Carson, still pulling bits of her spaghetti off his uniform; _She's very lucky Rodney isn't here, he'd kill her for wasting his precious blue jello..._he found himself thinking.

Before the precious calm he had been cultivating for the past hour and a half could snap, another presence made itself known, the doors to the Mess Hall slammed open with surprising force. Dr Jennifer Keller strode in and eyeballed the scene in an instant, plant spores still obviously at work on her as she yelled, "Are what is the meaning of_ this_?"

Harmony halted, turning to face the new-comer, "I am Queen Harmon-" She started, only to be cut off mid-stream by an impatient wave, "Yes, I _know _who you are, most of Atlantis does, Little Miss Loud & Obnoxious! Now what I want to know is why you chased McKay and Sheppard out of the City, then proceed to act like a spoiled brat?"

Jennifer was on a roll!

Then it happened, before anyone could stop it, they all watched in abject horror as -in complete, heart-stopping slow-motion- the Royal Pain hurled a slice of nearby cake at Dr Keller...

It slammed into the shoulder of her lab coat and part of her face, marring the pristine white of the fabric with dark chocolate blobs...her expression partially obscured by thick brown frosting...there was a collective intake of breath. Harmony raised another loaded plate, arm back as if to fling it again, when Keller moved...

Swift as a striking cobra, her arm snapped out to the side and she took two fleeting steps over to where Daniel Jackson stood by the door, chatting with General O'Neill, grasping the hilt of his weapon, drawing and aiming it in a heartbeat.

~)0(~

Within two seconds flat she had fired the _Zat_ straight into the girl's face, allowing time for her to topple backwards and nerveless fingers to lose their grip on the second plate of cake, which fell straight down upon the girl's face...

A great cheering arose...Keller frowned…

Suddenly she couldn't remember where she was...

~)0(~

"...really don't agree with this, and I must protest..." came the reasoning voice, to which was answered gruffly, "Stow it, Daniel, she's going back and that's that!"

O'Neill strode down the hall behind Dr Beckett, flanked by both Teal'c and Carter, with an argumentative Daniel trailing behind.

"Jack! She's their Queen, Ruler, as in the person with all the power, I definitely think we should-" he persisted, to which end he had the General turn around and place a restraining palm in his chest, "Daniel, unless you want to get dumped back through the gate _tied_ to that pest, _Be Quiet!_"

"But-"

Jack snapped, "_Alright_! Someone find me a Rope!"

~)0(~

Several minutes of careful negotiation, _and the confiscation of the rope_, later...Carson dumped Queen Harmony back through the gate, quite unceremoniously...

~)0(~

Beckett looked up to see a familiar silhouette in his Office Doorway, Keller stood there, the most curious expression of puzzlement on her face...He jumped up immediately, "Here now love, why don't you just take a seat. What's ailing ya?"

She looked at him, slight frown on her face, "I-I don't know, all day people have been patting me on the back and congratulating me...and I can't remember why..."

Carson didn't know whether to laugh or sigh in relief, the spores had worn off at last...

~)0(~

"...safe to come home yet, Woolsey? Please say it is, not that I don't _adore_ you, _Darling_, but I would rather spend a night in an actual bed, rather than the Jumper seats...even with you there, _my DEAR Husband_..." Came Sheppard's voice, to which there was an audible groan in reply, "You aren't going to let this go, are you?"

"Now why would I do that, _Sweetheart?_" The malice was self-evident, Woolsey motioned to Chuck, "Tell them it's all clear and they have my permission to land in the Jumper Bay; once they stop bickering, that is..."

~)0(~

Teyla, Ronan and SG-1 met them in the Jumper-bay, Sheppard and McKay stumbled out into the space with great relief... "Finally!" McKay cried, raising his arms in a strange gesture that brought to mind a bird preparing for take-off...

"Hey!" John protested, "It's not my fault you can't read a HUD map..._Honey_"

"Well we could have stopped and asked directions!" Rodney yelled back, despite the _complete_ air of illogicality the statement held...Ronan strode over and placed a _very_ friendly arm around his shoulders, "Rodney, _Dear..._"

If he meant it to be a Threat, _it was working_...Rodney was wide-eyed and near-terrified, at the 'overtly-familial greeting' the arm encircling his shoulder squeezed significantly tighter...

"You aren't going to let me forget this, are you...?" He queried, sounding absolutely terrified; there was a clicking noise as Carter loaded her weapon, "Not on your life, _Sweetie_..."

~)0(~

Meanwhile, on the near-medieval planet of Lairose, the young monarch stirred; anger and confusion written all over her face, then she scowled at the 'clumsily tied' knots that bound her royal wrists…

If she'd had any common sense, the girl would have realized it was deliberately done so she may free herself both swiftly and with ease, but just long enough to distract her from re-dialing immediately…

Her heart seemed to stop; the rope fell away unhindered as she frantically began groping in her outfit's secreted pockets, searching for… "_No…_" she whispered, forlornly, finding her only means of contacting the Atlanteans gone.

The Dial Home Device, or DHD as the Lanteans had crudely named it, mocked her…for the first time in her life, she felt lost and powerless, realizing the magic box…the 'IDC Generator' with the Magic Circle Coordinates to the City of the Ancients, was missing.

Falling to her knees in astonished belief, Harmony, Queen of Lairose, threw back her head and howled her frustration to uncaring skies…

~)0(~

Several days later, after the initial Genii _issue_ had been cleared up and the leaders of the half-cocked Revolt, apprehended and slowly rotting in prisons spread from here to the other side of the Pegasus Galaxy…SG-1 decided to take their leave.

As in their initial meeting, both teams stood and basked in the aquamarine glow of the Stargate's newly-formed wormhole; regarding each other silently…even Teal'c cracked a silent smile and nodded at Ronan.

General O'Neill firmly clasped John's hand, smiling and letting the firm grip say what he felt was too mushy to say aloud; Daniel and Teyla spoke rapidly, trying desperately to fit at least a few more generations of Athosian tradition into the last few remaining seconds…

Jack had to, all-but-drag, the Scientist away from the Athosian in the end, pausing to watch Sam's farewell to their reluctant late arrival…

Rodney limped into the gateroom, late as ever, although bearing his 'punishment' with more dignity [generally less whining] than either team would usually expect from the normally-verbal Head of Science…although, none of them had any idea of the Hell his Science teams had experienced in previous days…

Especially Kavanagh, who made the mistake of commenting about the d-…

Samantha walked over to him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, "Rodney, you've dealt with this remarkably well, considering…so, I apologize…for everything. Oh, we talked it over, you can stop…all _that_…whenever you feel up to it, sorry about the leg though. Thought you saw me coming with that stick-thing…" She faltered, failing to articulate her point and merely leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek before turning away…

"Finished?" asked a bemused General O'Neill, grinning from ear to ear…merely pleased that he had found a good use for his rope [even if he had been dissuaded from it's initial use…Hammond would probably frown on the Daniel-less-ness of the team if he gone through with it…] and turned to go through the Stargate.

A soft sucking noise, and he was gone…back on Earth already; Teal'c and Dr Jackson followed with a momentary pause to wave at the Atlanteans in general, before turning in synch and entering the wormhole.

Samantha Carter, former leader of the expedition, paused at the 'gate; looking back upon all the familiar smiling faces seeing her off, eyes trailing to the last figure, before turning –smiling- and entering the wormhole.

The image of McKay in that lovely black dress and heels burned into her brain, eternally…

_**THE END!^^**_

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><p><strong>Please <span>REVIEW<span>, constructive criticism is always Welcome!^^**


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